So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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