Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize