I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
