I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
