Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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