i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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