the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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