You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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