jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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