What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My bed smells like the plague
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
