Swine flu is the new snow day.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
