i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
