well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Floor bacon is actually really good
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
