So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
