the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
ugly people sure do ruin things
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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