I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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