I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
