the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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