I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize