At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We need a shit load of segways right now
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
