apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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