Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How does it feel to date your dad?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I know her cup size but not her name....
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
