i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
