Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
