I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
