I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
