The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
