Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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