gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
