i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
