am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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