He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
