I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
