I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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