I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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