I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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