How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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