what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
where am i from again
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
