this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
