your parents love me but you hate me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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