took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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