I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
