You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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