In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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