420 ftw
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
