Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
