Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I love you.
Bad choice
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
