9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
