Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
