Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
