Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
