just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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