Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
