Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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