I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
