Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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