I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
