Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
