did you get engaged???
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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