Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
