??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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