her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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