you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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