Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
