Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
