Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
