you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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