we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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