He had one of those small greek statue penises
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
