maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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