remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Randomize
