Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
