This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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