Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
